 A man had a small herd of animals - his livelihood. One day as he was tending to them a young bull broke free having been startled by something. Instinct took over.. he lunged and grabbed its tail, determined not to let it get away.
The bull ran. And so he ran with it.. gripping tighter as he was dragged over stones, through bushes, his feet barely keeping up. His breath grew ragged, his body ached, but still he had to hold on. If he let go he was sure he would lose it forever. Then suddenly his hands failed him. He hit the ground rolling to a stop in the dirt, too exhausted to move. He lay there bracing himself for the awful sight of his bull disappearing into the horizon. But when he looked up.. there it was!. Just a few steps away. Calmly grazing, as if nothing had happened. He had been fighting, suffering, clinging for dear life when all along he could have just let go and walked. ✨ This story captures the futility of unnecessary struggle. Sometimes we convince ourselves that effort is the only thing keeping everything from falling apart, when in reality we are the only ones making it hard. We hold on fearing loss, but often if we just let go, we might realise we were never in danger of losing anything at all.  For a while we tried to make something work because we thought 'it is just the way things are done'. We adjusted, adapted, did our best to fit. But no matter how much effort we put in, something always felt off.. like we were squeezing into a mould that wasn’t made for us.
At first we wondered if the problem was us. Maybe we needed to try harder. Be more patient. Be different. But then we asked a different question: What if we’re just in the wrong place? That shift in perspective changed everything. Instead of forcing what wasn’t working, we looked for where things felt right. Where there was ease. Where we could be ourselves without constantly reshaping to fit expectations. And that’s when we knew it was time for a change. Practical application: Lately, I’ve been paying attention to where things flow naturally versus where I feel resistance. If something constantly drains energy or requires me to fight upstream, I pause and ask:
Making a big change isn’t always easy, but neither is staying stuck in the wrong space. I’ve learned that the right fit doesn’t require constant force.. it just clicks. The Two Arrows of Suffering: How to Break Free from Unnecessary Pain  I find this Buddhist teaching really helpful about tending to the first arrow and how we respond to it (the second arrow).
Imagine you are walking through the forest, and out of nowhere an arrow hits you in the back. It hurts.. a lot. But instead of tending to the wound, you start looking around wildly. Who shot that? Why me? What if there is another one? This isn’t fair! You’re running in circles, getting angrier.. more panicked, making everything worse. That’s the second arrow. The part we add on top. The first arrow (the pain, illness, loss, disappointment) is unavoidable. But the second arrow (the mental spiraling, the resistance, the self-judgment) is optional. Pain is part of life. Suffering though is shaped by our relationship to it. When we pause, tend to the wound, and quiet the mental chatter, something shifts. The suffering starts to dissolve. Stress and pain aren’t the real problem.. it’s the belief that we shouldn’t be feeling them that makes us suffer. When we stop fighting discomfort, our body and brain actually process it differently. MRI studies show that how we relate to pain can change both physical and emotional suffering dramatically. A powerful reminder that while we can’t always control what happens, we can shape how we meet it.  There’s an old Daoist story about an old frail man who fell into a raging waterfall. The current was violent, crashing down with force. Onlookers were sure he wouldn’t survive.
But moments later, he emerged downstream, unharmed, brushed himself off and carried on his way. Astonished, they asked 'How did you survive that?' He smiled and said, 'I didn’t fight it. When the water pushed me down, I went down. When it lifted me up, I rose with it. I let the river show me the way instead of wasting my energy struggling against it.' This is Wu Wei - the Daoist wisdom of moving with life instead of against it. But Wu Wei isn’t passive. It’s not about surrendering to hardship and doing nothing. The old man didn’t just give up - he worked with the water, moving in a way that let him survive. In life, it’s the same. We don’t ignore challenges.. we just stop fighting them in ways that drain us. We respond with clarity instead of panic. We make choices that align with the flow rather than force things that aren’t working. Less struggle, more skill. The river knows the way.. but we still have to swim.  The unexpected gifts of pain are often overlooked when we focus solely on getting rid of it. Instead of embracing the pain as part of our experience, we resist it and view it as an enemy that must be eliminated. This resistance is rooted in the belief that healing means the disappearance of symptoms. However, healing is not a final destination but a continuous invitation to remember who we are and to love ourselves in every moment.
When we approach pain with love, we give it a home in our hearts instead of attacking it. We hold it in our vast hearts and embrace it for what it is: a powerful expression of life itself, even if it is unwanted or uncomfortable. Pain is not against us but a frightened part of ourselves that needs love and inclusion. It is a teacher that invites us to be present and to appreciate life in all its forms. Instead of rushing to label pain as negative and seeking to transcend or obliterate it, we should be kinder towards it and get curious about its fire and ferocity. Pain may hold its own original medicine and teachings of slowness and presence, which we need to acknowledge and honour. True healing involves being aligned with 'what is' and embracing the present moment. Presence is the greatest kind of medicine, and it frees us from victimhood. When we stop focusing on getting rid of pain and start embracing it as part of our experience, we open ourselves up to unexpected gifts and deeper healing. So let us bow before our pain and embrace it for as long as it is here, knowing that it may just be what healing actually feels like.  Sometimes we need a reminder that it's okay to not be okay. So here it is: IT'S OKAY.
It's okay to be tired, to say no, to cancel plans without giving a reason, and to "just not feel like it." It's okay to not know anything, to leave, to walk out, to take time to decide, and to take space to feel. It's okay to mess up, be awkward, tremble, be down, and feel low. It's okay to rest and embrace the negative, shadow, and unwanted parts of ourselves. These are our friends, not our enemies. And it's okay to learn as we go and be imperfect each day. If you forget who you are and where you're going, it's okay to begin again. Just remember, it's all okay.  Meditation involves connecting with life exactly where life is touching you. The goal is not to alter or control your experience, escape from difficult feelings, or access higher states of consciousness. It is about embracing any part of yourself that resists meditation and beginning from there. Take a brief moment now to feel the sensations in your feet and the weight and position of your hands. Observe the sensations in your body. Notice any tension or relaxation in your face, shoulders, jaw. Acknowledge your unique experience in this moment and bless it with your attention. Remember that this moment is fleeting and will never come again. Fully embrace it.
 If you attempt to fix me, you unknowingly transmit a message to my nervous system that implies there is something wrong with me, and I lack the internal resources to cope with my situation.
Even if your intentions are good, your attempts to fix me can undermine my healing. You hold the knowledge and power and I feel smaller and weaker. Listen to me and trust me instead of giving me your answers. I am more resilient and capable than you realise. When you stop trying to fix me and hold space for me, I feel supported and empowered to face my challenges. In this way, I can learn to trust my intuition, feelings, and body, and discover my own inner strength. By dropping your concepts, advice, and fixes and simply loving me, I can learn to love myself and trust myself. The paradox of healing is that when you stop trying to fix me, I feel less broken and more capable of healing.  This weekend I was treated to a beautiful therapeutic foot bath, nurturing cup of tea, and sharing of warm, compassionate wisdom and mindful presence from my beautiful friend and co-founder of the wonderful non-profit Nurture People, Jana. It left me feeling nourished on all levels.
It reminded me of how difficult it can be to receive sometimes, but what a gift our receiving can be to others too. As Marshall Rosenberg, creator of non-violent communication says - when we give from the heart, from a place of compassion, we do so out of a joy that springs forth whenever we willingly enrich another person’s life. This kind of giving benefits both the giver and the receiver. The receiver enjoys the gift without worrying about the consequences that accompany gifts given out of fear, guilt, shame, or desire for gain. The giver benefits from the enhanced joy and self-esteem that results when we see our efforts contributing to someone’s well-being. This quality of compassion, which he refers to as “giving from the heart,” is expressed in the following lyrics by Ruth Bebermeyer: GIVING FROM THE HEART I never feel more given to than when you take from me — when you understand the joy I feel giving to you. And you know my giving isn’t done to put you in my debt, but because I want to live the love I feel for you. To receive with grace may be the greatest giving. There’s no way I can separate the two. When you give to me, I give you my receiving. When you take from me, I feel so given to. Jana runs a weekly service from Nature Baby in Newmarket Auckland, every Friday. Her non-profit Nurture People also offers a beautiful nurturing, supportive and educational service and parent classes to new parents and caregivers. Find out more here.  I love this quote by Pema Chödrön, about tending to the first arrow. The parable of the second arrow is a Buddhist parable about dealing with suffering more skillfully. The Buddhists say that any time we suffer misfortune, two arrows fly our way.
The first arrow that hits us (an unexpected event, situation, illness etc) causes pain and hardship, which we can’t ignore. The second arrow is the suffering we add on top of the pain. It is our reaction to it, and is optional. The teaching is that pain and hardship are unavoidable for us all, however, we have a choice when it comes to the suffering. Our relationship to pain and hardship are what to a great extent influences our suffering. When we tend directly to the experience, and turn off the mental chatter, suddenly the experience of suffering that seems to arise from pain will resolve. This has been shown in research using brain MRI scans in mental and physical pain studies.
A nice little reminder to keep in your pocket for when needed.  Wisdom shared from one of my favourite teachers, Byron Katie.  Yoga gives you the mental space needed to change your perception...  This image reminds me that there is both stillness and movement in yoga asana practise. In movement we seek stillness and calm. In rest we stay mindful and attentive.  These quotes both contrast and compliment perfectly. Take on only as much as you can do today. Be completely present with each thing that you do and find the joy in simplicity. Simple is profound.
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“I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship.
I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings. My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salute that Source in you. Let us work together for unity and love.” – Mahatma Gandhi – |
breathing to heal
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Birkenhead and Birkdale, North Shore, Auckland, New Zealand | International Yoga Therapy
Birkenhead and Birkdale, North Shore, Auckland, New Zealand | International Yoga Therapy