The Two Arrows of Suffering: How to Break Free from Unnecessary Pain  I find this Buddhist teaching really helpful about tending to the first arrow and how we respond to it (the second arrow).
Imagine you are walking through the forest, and out of nowhere an arrow hits you in the back. It hurts.. a lot. But instead of tending to the wound, you start looking around wildly. Who shot that? Why me? What if there is another one? This isn’t fair! You’re running in circles, getting angrier.. more panicked, making everything worse. That’s the second arrow. The part we add on top. The first arrow (the pain, illness, loss, disappointment) is unavoidable. But the second arrow (the mental spiraling, the resistance, the self-judgment) is optional. Pain is part of life. Suffering though is shaped by our relationship to it. When we pause, tend to the wound, and quiet the mental chatter, something shifts. The suffering starts to dissolve. Stress and pain aren’t the real problem.. it’s the belief that we shouldn’t be feeling them that makes us suffer. When we stop fighting discomfort, our body and brain actually process it differently. MRI studies show that how we relate to pain can change both physical and emotional suffering dramatically. A powerful reminder that while we can’t always control what happens, we can shape how we meet it.  This weekend I was treated to a beautiful therapeutic foot bath, nurturing cup of tea, and sharing of warm, compassionate wisdom and mindful presence from my beautiful friend and co-founder of the wonderful non-profit Nurture People, Jana. It left me feeling nourished on all levels.
It reminded me of how difficult it can be to receive sometimes, but what a gift our receiving can be to others too. As Marshall Rosenberg, creator of non-violent communication says - when we give from the heart, from a place of compassion, we do so out of a joy that springs forth whenever we willingly enrich another person’s life. This kind of giving benefits both the giver and the receiver. The receiver enjoys the gift without worrying about the consequences that accompany gifts given out of fear, guilt, shame, or desire for gain. The giver benefits from the enhanced joy and self-esteem that results when we see our efforts contributing to someone’s well-being. This quality of compassion, which he refers to as “giving from the heart,” is expressed in the following lyrics by Ruth Bebermeyer: GIVING FROM THE HEART I never feel more given to than when you take from me — when you understand the joy I feel giving to you. And you know my giving isn’t done to put you in my debt, but because I want to live the love I feel for you. To receive with grace may be the greatest giving. There’s no way I can separate the two. When you give to me, I give you my receiving. When you take from me, I feel so given to. Jana runs a weekly service from Nature Baby in Newmarket Auckland, every Friday. Her non-profit Nurture People also offers a beautiful nurturing, supportive and educational service and parent classes to new parents and caregivers. Find out more here.  I love this quote by Pema Chödrön, about tending to the first arrow. The parable of the second arrow is a Buddhist parable about dealing with suffering more skillfully. The Buddhists say that any time we suffer misfortune, two arrows fly our way.
The first arrow that hits us (an unexpected event, situation, illness etc) causes pain and hardship, which we can’t ignore. The second arrow is the suffering we add on top of the pain. It is our reaction to it, and is optional. The teaching is that pain and hardship are unavoidable for us all, however, we have a choice when it comes to the suffering. Our relationship to pain and hardship are what to a great extent influences our suffering. When we tend directly to the experience, and turn off the mental chatter, suddenly the experience of suffering that seems to arise from pain will resolve. This has been shown in research using brain MRI scans in mental and physical pain studies. A nice little reminder to keep in your pocket for when needed.  Wisdom shared from one of my favourite teachers, Byron Katie.  Yoga gives you the mental space needed to change your perception...   Literal Translation of the word: Nama means bow, as means I, and te means you “I bow to you.”
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“I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship.
I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings. My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salute that Source in you. Let us work together for unity and love.” – Mahatma Gandhi – |
breathing to heal
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Birkenhead and Birkdale, North Shore, Auckland, New Zealand | International Yoga Therapy
Birkenhead and Birkdale, North Shore, Auckland, New Zealand | International Yoga Therapy